Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Would I have myself as a member?

Dearest Bloggers,

A couple of people - namely my boyfriend and my Mom - have said that they don't like the photo I've chosen for this blog. They said that I look like I'm grimacing and not smiling. Interesting, since I really like that photo of myself - and I almost never like photos of myself!

It's interesting that different people "see" you in different ways. This does not only apply to what photos they like, it goes deeper than that. I think that there was a scene in the movie The Accidental Tourist ( based on the book with the same name by Anne Tyler), where Geena Davis' character says something along the lines of wanting to be with someone who sees you as the kind of person you want to be. Just this one line makes me want to read Ms. Tyler's book; I haven't yet read it. I've read some of her other books and I truly loved them; she's a brilliant writer and observer of human nature.

Is it really so that we are different people depending on who we are with? If it is, the interesting question is: who do you want to spend time with? And an even more interesting questions is: am I the kind of person that I would like to spend time with??!!!??

Anyway, so here is an alternative photo of Pink Lady, for those who don't like the other one. This is an older photo. I think I was 20 or 21 when this was taken. You can probably tell that this is from a professional photo shoot. I had my make-up done by a pro for over an hour and a professional photographer burnt up roll after roll of film shooting me for several hours. So, realistically, this is probably as good as I'll ever look! ;-) This photo was for my modelling album. I trained to be a runway model, but never actually did it for a living, apart from one contest and a couple of odd jobs. But it did wonders for my self-confidence - and I learnt to walk in heels! :-)

I have a reason right now to not be feeling very modest (as if I ever am...), but to rather be quite "taken" with myself: my boyfriend discovered a lump in my breast last week, and that just gives the whole of life a new meaning. I have a lump in my breast - what's your excuse? ;-)

I've sometimes heard people say that the possibility of death gives life a lot of clarity; it allows you to see what is truly important and what isn't. So far, I just feel more confused than ever. I feel like one of those toys that you shake to make it snow. Somebody shook me, and all of my thoughts, ideas, beliefs and values just went flying; I have no clarity whatsoever. No fear either, however. Although I'm not sure how much reason for fear I actually have. The doctor said that it's not very likely that the lump is malignant, but of course they can't be completely sure. I'm having a mammogram (i.e. an x-ray of my breasts) on Friday, i.e. in 3 days. I guess then I'll know a bit more. Perhaps those mental snowflakes will eventually land and settle somewhere and perhaps they'll land in different places than they were before. I am looking forward to this. Some guru has said that Confusion is the highest state of mind. It means that you are going towards something new.

All I can say at this point is: girls, check your breasts and do it religiously every single month of your lives!!!!!! One woman in 10 gets breast cancer (ooops, the C-word!) at some point in their lives. This website has a multimedia demo of how to do a breast self exam.

Be cool y'all!

Pink Lady

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